The Ledger
by Ikkleosu
Summary: Carol-heavy caryly story set between seasons 3 and 4. Carol finds an instant camera and wonders what to do with it.


The Ledger by Ikkleosu

Carol-heavy, caryly story set in the time between seasons 3 and 4.

Inspired by USS Caryl's one word challenge (book) and Rhinozilla's camera prompt.

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Part 1/?

Carol bounced a grizzly Judith on her hip and softly hummed as she wandered in meandering circles around the library.

"Oh sweetie, you're not a happy girl today are you? Do your teethies hurt? Hmm?" Carol popped her finger inside the crying girl's mouth and ran a finger along her gums. "Oh yes, there's some lovely toothy pegs coming, isn't there?"

As if to prove her point, as soon as she removed her finger, Judith jammed her own little fist into her mouth and started chewing and drooling all over it, in between wails.

Carol couldn't help but smile at the little girl sympathetically. She remembered how Sophia was at that age. Ed had gone into a rage when he saw that Carol hadn't stopped her from gnawing on the edge of their dining table. It had been the only thing, besides frozen carrot sticks that had given the teething little girl any relief, so Carol had taken the rage on her shoulders.

Carol glanced around the room looking for something Judith could chew on safely and spotted a box of junk that had been rounded up from other parts if the prison. She was sure this was where they'd ended up. With her free hand she rifled through it, discarding a couple of plastic tubs, various electrical cables and large paintbrushes before she saw what she was looking for.

"Aha Judith, what do you think of this, huh?" She pulled out a handful of curtain rings and held them up to the bawling baby. "We'll get Uncle Hershel to clean them up first though, yes?"

She dropped the rings back into one of the plastic tubs and stuck her hand back in the cardboard box to try and find a lid. That was when her hand caught in the strap. Yanking her hand up, she was met with heavy resistance. After some wiggling, she pulled free and pushed aside the top layer of junk to find out what the strap belonged to. It was a camera, one of those instant kinds.

"What's this, Judith? Look what Auntie Carol's found!" She held up the camera to Judith, who was suitably unimpressed. "I wonder if it works?"

She put the top on the plastic tub, balanced the camera on top and gathered it under her arm.

"Let's go and find Uncle Hershel, and we'll see how Daddy's farms coming along, shall we?"

At the mention of Daddy, Judith quietened a little and Carol smiled as she carried her out towards the yard.

She found Hershel with Glenn, pouring over some plans for more outside structures they were planning on building once they got enough materials.

"Hershel, do you think these would be safe for Judith to chew on if we cleaned them up? She's going crazy teething." Carol said as she approached them and handed the plastic tub over to Hershel.

"Oh, honey, you got sore gums?" Hershel reached up from his seated position and rubbed Judith's red cheek.

"I wish we had a freezer. We could get those freezable teething gel toys for her."

"We'll get Sasha to make sure she and Daryl pick up some numbing gel on their run tomorrow. But in the meantime, I'll see what I can do. If we can find some nice fine sandpaper..." Hershel pushed himself up from the table and grabbed his crutches ready to walk off, when Glenn spotted the camera under Carol's arm.

"Is that an instant camera? Where'd you get that?"

Carol explained as she handed it over to him.

"I don't know if it works, or if there's even film in it. I was going to look once Judith goes down for a nap."

Hershel suddenly looked at Carol in puzzlement.

"Shouldn't my daughter be looking after her just now? I thought you were on kitchen duty today?"

For a second, Carol panicked. She wasn't sure how much Hershel knew, or was meant know, about his youngest girl and her new beau. Carol had agreed to take Judith for the afternoon, while Beth and Zach had some get-to-know-you-better time.

"I uh, I asked Beth to swap, I just wanted some extra cuddle time with this one." She squished Judith against her cheek, and tried not to imagine what kind of "cuddle time" Beth was having right now.

"There's a film in it, look," Glenn showed Carol the back of the camera. "It probably just needs new batteries. I'll let you know if I get it working."

Carol waved a hand in his direction.

"No rush, I was simply curious. Now, Miss Grimes, will we go and see how your Daddy is doing?" She waved at the men as she wandered off towards Rick and his myriad of crops.

A couple of days passed before she remembered about the camera. When she asked Glenn about it he leapt about a foot in the air.

"Uh yeah, yeah it works. I... Uh... Tested it out. Finished that film that was in it, but I picked up a few more on the run yesterday. Tyresse asked to borrow it. Last I saw it was the library."

Carol wasn't surprised at his reaction, or the news that Tyresse had taken his turn. It was obvious that a camera would appeal to those in the flush of love, men desperate to capture the beauty of their beloved's face - and who knows what else- on camera. And her suspicion was proved right when she finally found the camera.

It was tucked away high up on a shelf in the library, obviously to keep it out of the reach of the children. Alongside it were about half a dozen boxes of film. As Carol stood on tiptoe to pull the camera down, a handful of developed photos fluttered to the floor.

Sure enough, the first one Carol picked up was a blurred photo of Karen; her glossy curls a curtain swishing in front of her face obscuring the view the photographer intended. However, the other photos that had fallen down showed that despite their efforts, the kids had reached the new toy. The shots included a couple of out of focus ones featuring two small pairs of feet; half of Lizzie and Mika's faces as they peered quizzically into the lens; and she was pretty sure the last one was an extreme close-up of Luke's mouth.

Deciding it might be best to keep the camera out of their reach, she put it - and a couple of boxes of film - in a Hessian shoulder bag she had brought for carrying books.

As she walked through the body of the prison, she spotted Beth with Judith in her arms, half-heartedly fending off the affections of Zach.

"I told you, I'm busy, I'll see you later when Rick takes her for a bath." Carol heard her say, with laughing exasperation in her voice.

Zach put on an exaggerated puppy-dog expression and poked his face right up to Beth's. She laughed and spun around, so now he was only making faces at Judith over Beth's shoulder.

"Do you want me to take Judith for a while?" Carol asked as she approached them.

"No, it's fine, Carol. Zach's just being a brat, ignore him."

"Aww come on Beth, let's go out for a bit. I want to show you what I've done with the car," the boy pleaded still behind Beth's back.

Beth rolled her eyes at Carol, who couldn't help but grin at the dance going on before her.

"And what makes you think I care one little bit about what you've done to your car?" Beth shot back, turning round to face her suitor.

"Beeeeeeeeeth..." was all he could reply, clearly making up for in persistence what he lacked in panache.

"I don't mind taking Judith, you go on and enjoy the sunshine," Carol interjected, already reaching for the baby.

"See? Listen to Carol," Zach spoke while removing Judith from Beth's arms and handing her over like an unexploded bomb to Carol.

"Okay, but only for a bit. Are you sure it's okay?"

Carol nodded and ushered them out. There were so few moments of joy, and the winter had been so miserable in so many ways, now spring was here. The sun was shining and Carol wanted to encourage young love.

She decided she and Judith should enjoy the sunshine too, and sat down with the baby between her legs just outside the cell block. For a while she just enjoyed the peace, playing with Judith and feeling the sun warm her body, but before long Judith got dozy. Eventually she lay against Carol's chest, her little fist gripping tight to the front of Carol's top and fell sound asleep.

The feel of the baby's slow, soft breathing on her body filled Carol with a warmth the sun couldn't touch. She couldn't help but remember the days when Sophie was in this position, when the world was a different place. But when the tears pricked her eyes, she shook her head.

No. She had locked Sophia away in a safe box in her heart, now wasn't the time to open it.

She looked around for a distraction that wouldn't disturb Judith. That was when she saw her Hessian bag, and forgetting what the contents were, wondered if she had a book to get lost in.

As she pulled the bag over, she remembered the contents, and pulled the camera out. At first she just turned it over in her hand and looked through the view-finder remembering those slideshow viewers she'd had as a kid. But looking down at Judith, she eventually decided to try a snap.

It was an awkward angle to try and get a photo of Judith against her chest, but she managed and quite liked the prominence of the baby's chubby pink cheek in the end result. She was quite pleased with it really, and decided she'd give it to Rick later.

A smile danced across her face as imagined trying to get Daryl to pose for a photo. The only way to catch the elusive and rare Daryl Dixon was to catch him unawares in his natural habitat. She'd have to stalk him round the prison, the way he crept up on unsuspecting deer, and when she had him in her sights she'd shoot.

The mental image made her giggle. Judith stirred on her chest, and Carol hushed her with a whisper. Stalking Daryl would have to wait for another day anyway; he was out on a run.

She could never verbalise how relieved she was when he'd told her he was no longer going to go out with Michonne looking for the Governor. He was still outside the prison as much as he was in, and it always made her nervous, but at least he wasn't actively looking for trouble. There was no one better equipped to deal with runs and scouting trips. She had faith in him, but she'd seen what could happen to anyone so her body always relaxed when she'd hear the distant roar of his motorcycle approaching home.

She cocked her ear an listened, on the off chance her musings had been sparked by subconsciously hearing the noise, but sadly not. All she could hear were the gentle murmurings of the various groups of people in the yard.

There was Maggie talking to a group of new people that Daryl had brought in just a few days earlier. They still seemed to be finding their feet, and Maggie seemed to be pointing out vital pieces of information to them. Rick was talking to Hershel over by his crops. They were too far away for her to discern anything they were talking about.

The only conversation she could make out was going on between Patrick and Carl nearby. They were having a heated discussion about some superhero in the comic book Carl held open between them.

"Yes, but it doesn't explain the physics. Literally how could the muscles in his arms support an entire building? It makes no sense," Patrick said, pointing to the page.

"It's super strength! He got it from that nuclear accident, I told you." Carl was shaking his head incredulously.

"I know, but how would nuclear fusion cause his muscles to be able to bear that weight, without changing their physical size? Like the Hulk, that makes sense! He's bigger; his muscles are bigger, therefore they can lift more. This guy still looks the same weedy scientist! I've got bigger arms than him."

At Patrick's last statement, Carl burst out laughing. In a flash, Carol lifted the camera from her lap and snapped a shot. Neither of the boys noticed her, as Patrick shoved Carl good-humouredly, and they flipped the page to discuss something else.

Once the photo developed, Carol looked at it with pride. Carl was in perfect profile, his mouth wide open with laughter and his eyes squeezed shut.

She held up the photos of Judith and Carl side by side and nearly started weeping. There in her hands she held two of the rarest moments in this world - peaceful sleep and laughter. Those were such fleeting experiences for all of them; to have solid evidence of their existence in her hands was powerful.

These were more than photos, they were proof of hope. In the darkest days when things seemed futile, and darkness lived under their very skins, someone could look at these and know it can be again. Things can be good. Life can be survived.

She resolved to give the two photos to Rick. He needed them as much as anyone, more so even. These photos were like his crops, they were something he could touch and be reminded of the future and of good coming from bad. Judith and Carl were his seeds in the world, and he needed to know he was cultivating them well.

It wasn't enough though. She wanted to capture more hope on film and began looking around the yard for moments to capture unobtrusively. As the afternoon wore on, she found them; Hershel patting Glenn on the back with paternal pride; Karen touching Tyresse's arm as they passed each other; Mika and Molly swinging each other round by the hands in a flurry of childish glee. Only one photo was posed.

When Beth came to retrieve Judith, claiming Zach was boring her, Zach followed hot on her heels.

As soon as he saw the camera, he begged Carol to take a photo of them together, despite Beth's reluctance. In the end, the photo captured Zach pulling Beth into his side as she nearly lost her balance in her attempt not to be photographed. It was posed and candid all at once, and Carol thought it depicted both Beth's spirit and Zach's personality. There was some arguing over who would get the photo but in the end Beth ruled Carol should keep it "just in case". She said she didn't trust what Zach would do with it.

Carol was still chuckling at Beth's savvy as she watched her walk off into the block with Judith, when she felt a tug on her arm.

"Carol... Carol... Patrick said I had to remind you it's story-time."

Carol smiled down at his eager face, and couldn't resist ruffling his curly mop of hair.

"And he's quite right too. Let me just put my things away and I'll be right there. Would you round up the others, please?"

Luke nodded and scampered off. Carol decided against taking the camera with her to story-time. She didn't want photographic evidence getting into the wrong hands. There was time to let Rick know what they were doing, but now wasn't it.

After story-time, Carol was rushed along with the usual preparations of trying to find dinner for over 70 people and get them all fed in an orderly manner. Only when she sat down to her own dish of vegetable stew did she realise she still hadn't seen Daryl. Tyresse confirmed Daryl, Sasha and Julio hadn't returned from their run.

"You worried?" he asked Carol as he squeezed his big frame onto the picnic table bench opposite her.

Carol sensed he was looking for her on how he should feel about his sister's safety.

"No, no..." She feigned a casual air and a broad smile for this man she didn't yet know very well. "Knowing Daryl, he's taken them a detour to pick up a herd of sheep, or a herd of people."

She tried not to baulk at her own use of the word herd, and the images it brought to mind. Thankfully Tyresse seemed to buy it and nodded with a smile before moving to catch up with Karen.

Yes, she was worried, but it did no good to sit and clock-watch, so she kept herself busy. When Hershel asked her if she'd help him stock take the medicines, she leapt at the chance.

"Caleb's busy with the new family. The father has asthma so he's teaching him some breathing techniques, try and save inhalers for emergencies," Hershel said to her, as she entered the room they used as a medical supply store. "I'll read out the name of each medication, if you could check it off in that ledger over there? And write down the number in the column on the right?" Hershel continued.

"Of course, probably better than me trying to pronounce the names, we'd be here all night," Carol replied picking up the big leather bound book from the desk, as Hershel smiled at her from behind one of the sets of shelves.

They worked efficiently, with little idle chatter until Hershel said he needed a rest.

"Are you in pain, do you want me to take over?" Carol sprang to her feet, reaching a concerned arm out to him as he sat down heavily on a stool.

"No, no, I'm fine," he said as he began to pull off his new artificial leg. "It's just itching like fire ants in my britches."

They exchanged grins, as Carol returned to her spot at the desk.

"You know he'll be fine, and back here bold as brass before you know it?"

"Hmm?" Carol looked at Hershel, puzzled at his out of place words. He just looked back at her with a benevolence that made her want to kiss the top of his thinning hair.

"You must have looked out that door at least a dozen times. I know you're worried but that man has more lives than a cat."

Carol's heart leapt at Hershel's cat comparison. She was sure he didn't know about the inside-joke exchange she and Daryl had developed over the past year or so, but it warmed her to be reminded of it.

"You're far too smart, Hershel Greene," she eventually replied, as she caressed the leather of the heavy book in her lap.

"Not smart enough to save Mr Guthrie." Sadness glanced across the older man's face as he reattached his leg.

"You couldn't have done anything more than you did. You're not a brain surgeon, what could you have done to stop a bleed on the brain?"

"If I'd had better medication, maybe..." He trailed off and they sat in silence. "At least he left us a good supply of blood pressure medication; I must add that to the ledger."

Carol looked down at the book in her hand and all the different pills and potions. So many of them had come in with different people who'd found their way to the prison, some of whom had already passed on. The list was almost a catalogue of the people in the prison, represented only by what useful things they left behind. Is that all people were in this world, reduced only to what they would leave behind to help someone else survive?


End file.
